I spoil my mom. I really do. :P  Every now and then I get her something she likes just because. That's the trick to keeping anyone happy. :P I got her this little rabbit she had a fondness for at easter time.  Well, for Mother's Day I ended up doing a last minute kind of thing.  I got two cards for her - one from me and one from my dog, lol.  I bought picture frames but had nothing to put in them until tonight.

I've wanted to give my mom a pic of me at graduation with Harry standing next to me for a while now.  He passed away before I actually graduated, so I just know she's going to cry when she sees the photo. I'll need to reprint it later because my printer is in horrible shape ink-wise.





I think she'll love it. I also put together some flowers and a charm bracelet that I literally had to assembled with my teeth. (Not made from my teeth, I mean the only way I could get the metal links to stay still was to bite onto them and blindly try to link them together correctly. And that made it 50000% easier than trying to use my fingers!)

I bought candles I was gonna give her for Mother's Day, but she seemed to be having a rough day a few days ago so I gave them to her then. She freaking loves candles. Like I said, I spoil her. :P

Okay, so overdue life update incoming.

No college for me. I often want to go back to MMA - even make slight plans to - but I remember that 1) it's too physically demanding 2) it's too expensive 3) they do not have a MAJOR that works for me.

And all of the above sucks a lot.

More stuff sucks a lot.

My entire life I've had problems with my guts. Undiagnosed IBS, pretty much. Very painful, all the time. It's finally gotten to the point where now and then I just gush blood. It's pleasant. It worried me enough to actually go to the ER and the ugly truth finally came out.

I frigging hate talking about that kind of stuff. But it's gone on long enough it's having neg effects on my insides, I think. So I had a blood test done to see if I'm allergic to gluten or something. As much as it would freaking SUCK to be allergic to gluten, because gluten-free foods (that normally have gluten, that is) are HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE. :( My nephew had autism and they recommend gluten-free food, so that's how I know. :| BUT.... as much as that would bite to switch my diet and have to nom on crappy stuff now and then... I kind of really want the test to come up positive. Because then at least I'll finally know what's wrong with me and be able to sort of fix it. And lord knows a strict diet would do my figure some good. I liked myself a lot better 100 pounds ago. And if it's not gluten, that means that chances are I just have to keep living with this pain for the rest of my life unless I can figure out something else I'm allergic to.

Besides fruit. I'm allergic to kiwi - they make me bleed and itch - and I think I'm slightly allergic to fruit entirely in a similar way. So I'm just awesome with weird allergies that suck balls.

P.S.

Oh, and when they took my blood for the test I was like, "I'm feeling squeamish today" and then proceeded to nearly pass out after they were done with me. Totally lame. :| Sometimes I handle it, sometimes I can't. But I felt better as soon as they let me have some water. Woo. What a weird and horrible feeling it is to nearly faint.

Oh, and I should have had them test me for diabetes, come to think of it. I probably have it by now.

I had a big, huge, scary dream last night. Scary because it had me so convinced it was real or going to come true. A lot of different things happened in my dream, so I can only remember the ones that were really grabbing. This might be jumbled.

First part I remember was watching dogs run around and stuff like that. Carrie and David's dog Dakota was in this dream. She's a big, black shaggy german shepherd and her owners have been trying to get her pregnant. I thought she was wounded on her back. On closer inspection, I discovered that her sexual organs, including nipples and such, were on her back, and furthermore she was split in two along the spine.

Another part of my dream ended being a dream inside a dream. Or like my mom said when I told her about it, a nightmare. I was giving birth, and it was agonizing. I actually tried to wake myself up by screaming for my mom, but it failed to work. After that, I felt my control over the dream slipping away. At first they told me the baby was male, and then told me it was a baby girl. I started crying in joy, but also other things... agony, fear, etc.

Then I "woke up" from that dream, but was actually in just another layer of a dream. (Annoying, right?) I was visiting the college my friend was attending. To make things more fun, I was still dealing with the shame of having dropped out of my own college. Anyhow, I saw a lot of friends in that part of my dream. They were all doing well and adjusted to their lives. Meanwhile I was running around freaked about my dream of giving birth, because I thought it was entirely possible. For one, I've certainly gained a lot of weight in real life, and there was a while where I missed my period. However, I forgot the fact that I am currently ON my period, and made up a "fact" that when I was in college I went to a party and blacked out (didn't happen at all).

A couple more things - at my friend's college, there was a huge concert happening in their football stadium (I don't think they actually have a STADIUM). I also kept literally running through the innards of a ship (like my college) that was full of regimental students and the ship was in like a pretend war practice mode and kept leaving port, in a loop. I'd make my way through and then end up jumping off the back either into the water, or back onto the dock in time. I did this a handful of times while I was looking for the nurse.

I spent the entirety of that dream trying to find pregnancy tests, and then subsequently trying to find a private bathroom. For some reason in my dreams, bathrooms end up being more like locker rooms crossed with fast-food restaurant booths. It's really weird and awkward because it means you end up peeing or whatever with someone right next to you. Naturally, the bathroom always has tons of co-ed seating, and tons of people scattered all over the place. So even though I could get a place to pee, I'm too skittish to do it, while no one else has the same issue. On top of the normal issues that means I have (fear of opening up to people, being sexual I guess) I also wanted a place to be alone when my test result came in. I had no doubt that it would be positive and I would break down crying. BUT, even though I feared it, I had that psychic feeling that it would be a baby girl... and for once in my life I wanted to keep her even if I was pregnant, even though I was terrified.

I woke up before I could actually use my test.

Let me repeat that there is no way I could be pregnant. But obviously it's own my mind. The thing is, I grabbed a pamphlet about adopting a child a while ago. I've always considered adoption, but I've also hated kids quite a bit. I think that hate is changing now. And being an adult finally, I'm more seriously considering adopting an older child. Obviously I still have some deep concerns about the whole thing.

My mom has me worried, too. I woke up and told her about my dream of giving birth. She told me that if you dream something three times, it'll come true. This is the second time I've dreamt about having a baby girl, to my memory. Although last time I was really apathetic about her and was going to give her away. This time I felt more attached. Ew, I'm becoming motherly. :P

I took a trip down to Castine today with my mom. We stopped a lot along the way to check out different shops. I got a unicorn keychain, a piece of turquoise and hematite, a "Dream" button, a MMA tshirt, and some fudge. I have pictures, so I'll tell you guys about it later when those are online.

Next I want to go to Freeport to see the desert of Maine. Yeah, Maine, with your greenery and rolling hills and coastal lines, we have a desert... just an odd place that's buried in sand from a glacier, and a 200 year old barn nearby. I heard a legend once that the people who lived in the barn were cursed, and sand started showing up... sand and more sand, and it just piled up until they couldn't farm the land anymore.

In reality, they think that the farming cause erosion and revealed the glacial silt under the ground. It's not REALLY a desert because... hello, Maine. :)

There is a house that stands near a bog, with platforms that are on stilts above the marshy land.

Once you enter the house, there is no way out, and the happiest ending is being stuck inside forever.

The path inside the house is like a rollercoaster meets a puzzle game. You must do everything right to get through the house at all, and while inside you meet a group of people trapped on seats of a rollercoaster car. This rollercoaster is key to survival. And also not.

You have to walk on the tracks of the rollercoaster through the house. Tear apart rotten boards blocking your path. Then finally, finally, you get outside of the house, but you're still not free.

The land is marsh, and inescapable. There are two track paths for the roller coaster, and this is why the rollercoaster is crucial. I've taken both paths. If you take the path already set up, everyone in the car will plunge to their deaths. If you change the path, the roller coaster will fly off the tracks and burst through a hidden wall that will lead to freedom. But if you don't ride the rollercoaster, you will not be able to get out with them.

This time I was wise enough to know we needed to change the path. But the people with me wandered to different parts of the track, and the coaster aligned to the wrong side. I managed to get a car onto the right track, ready to go, but I found that the more time we had wasted, the more you stick to whichever part of the track you're standing on. One man was completely stuck, and I could barely move, and three others were near the end of the track but on a different end. I grabbed onto the coaster and stuck out my leg to the side so they could grab it as it went by. This worked - I managed to get those three out, we burst through the wall and fell into the sands of a gravel pit.

Then, their heads exploded, killing me, and a heavy piece of machinery had been launched to crush all of us by the legs anyway. No way to survive.

Even dead in this pit, the dream wanted to reset, and wanted me to pick new people to die with again. I started to kill them individually, if I could, just to prevent them from ever starting the journey. But then groups of people appeared with guns, ready to use force on me. I fell to the ground and covered my face to keep them away, but they still forced me to look at them, and see that my face was not my face.




In another dream. A beautiful house, many people trying to show it to me. With every step, the house changed, literally moving walls and changing colors. People disappeared and appeared in new rooms, all herding me towards some destination I didn't want to reach. There was such a frenzied pace, and nothing could make it stop, even when I stood still and tried not to look. Just the sight of a new object or person being forced in front of me would make the entire surroundings change. Small rooms become grand hallways, with doors leading to a dining hall so full of people that their voices were thunderous, and friends were bodily ripped apart or crushed by the shifting rooms, only for the tour guides to tell me that it was my own fault, but I could not put any possible end to it, even by closing my eyes, because it flashed through my head like the worst nightmare and went on and on.




In another part of my dreams, when I managed to keep my mind away from the other two, I ran to a restaurant's grill. There I found stocks of cattle who willingly cooked themselves alive on the grill, and only asked to be flipped over so they could roast evenly. They reveled in their culture, and wore the skins of other cattle like royal robes.

Prom was great! :) I'm still finding glitter everywhere.

Lots of people apparently got kicked out. Lol. I heard a rumor that they were going to be refunded but according to the class that sponsored the prom, they're not.

I only spent $26 on prom.

( Pictures )

Prom Saturday night! I'm very excited.
Nails done for the first time ever with purple and clear glitter on the tips. Took 4 hours. Hurt like hell! I bled. Guys should realize it's more chemicals and power tools than anything else.
Hair tomorrow morning.

I'm graduating third in my class. Top 2%

And no one in my family is very pleased about it.

FML.


But I aced my last two history tests, aced my calculus II test, aced my tests in LAL :P so screw them.

And I'm trying to entertain myself by focusing on class night. I'm going to sing the double rainbow song, even if I have to wrap my damn self in a rainbow flag and sing it alone.

DOUBLE RAINBOW ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SKY
WOW WOW OH MY GOD! LOOK AT THAT RAINBOW!

I've sort of fallen out of love with the internet. JSYK

I can manage to scrounge up some cool stuff to chew on once in a while, but it's not the endless buffet of amazing fun times it used to be. I know I haven't seen everything, but damn close. Turns out it only took eight years to beat addiction. Now it feels like the internet is dying.

That's why I'm not around so much anymore, but I'm still posting weekly over at wretched_desire

P.S. RIP for Elisabeth Sladen (Doctor Who Star, AKA Sarah Jane Smith) who went just days before the new series started.